I can’t keep it a secret any longer. I’m pregnant. 10 weeks.
We didn’t want to tell anyone until 12 weeks however, due to the fact that I’ve had dozens of amazing women over at my house, bringing me meals, scrubbing my toilet, emptying my vomit bowl, and taking me to doctor’s appointment ever since 5 weeks, I figured it was already out in the open.
Wondering what’s going on? Well…
I’ve involuntarily joined a club. It’s a club my mom, gma, aunt, and great gma are all a part of. It’s a club I’ve tried to get out of but it doesn’t seem like there are any solutions. In fact, since I’ve joined, I’ve met a few others who are also a part of this club and survived it. It’s the severe hyperemesis gravidarum club. And all of them say the same thing, “I know you pray to just die…but I promise…the gift is so worth it.”
So since then, I’ve had a few dental wives come over and wave their children in front of me to show me how worth it it is. And my mom posted baby pictures all over the family room (yeah she came out and saved me for 2 weeks) and hung up baby clothes to remind me that I’m even pregnant and not just on my death bed.
What’s so awful, you ask?
Well it’s not even the vomiting every hour that kills ya…it’s the FEELING of ALWAYS having to vomit and never being able to escape it. I’m not talking about feeling nauseous; I’m talking about the feeling of having the vomit all the way up to your throat and the only reason you’re not throwing up is because there are no more blood vessels to pop on your face and it’s just too far a walk to the toilet so you’ll just hold it there for an hour. If you belong to this hyperemesis club—you know exactly how I feel and are probably smiling at this poor sucker right now.
It’s really exhausting—a true mental game. Thinking of surviving for 20-22 weeks like this just brought tears to my eyes. Serious. Dang—and now I’ll throw up because holding back tears takes so much effort which also seems to make me throw up.
So: I’m on bed rest. Yes, Katie Robison, who has every second of her day planned out, has created a permanent body mark on the couch and has watched every Disney movie, cartoon, and romantic comedy in the past 2 years (they make my dreams happy). What happens when I move you ask? I throw up. What happens when I throw up too much? I have to go to the ER for dehydration (which I’ve already frequented a few times).
Anyway—I’m sorry to all you good friends who I didn’t call and alert and those of you who text me and don’t receive anything back. Based on the advice of other club members, in order to survive, I just have to focus on surviving until tomorrow—and it takes focus.
Bit of good news: Due to the fact that I have no belly fat right now (don’t you dare message me that it’s this is a great weight loss program), I CAN FEEL THE BABY so much! Especially when I’m lying on my right side. (Here come the tears again…and the vomits). It’s been the most amazing feeling to just know that I actually have a baby inside me and that based on what everyone tells me, it’s so worth it. Although I’m not sure I can ever do this again—I’m SO EXCITED to be a mommy.
So, unless I don’t make it through this, you’ll probably hear from me again at 22 weeks when I’m getting dressed, walking, and brushing my teeth again.
This is how I pictured myself pregnant:
This is what I got but I’m usually laying on the floor after a vomit session:
Trivia: If you can guess how many times I threw up during this post, I’ll send you a package of all the food that makes me throw up...
